On 26

Commentary

Dear 26-year-old self,

To be clear, this is a letter of goodbye. You and I are being held together by nothing more than a cobweb string of a hours that separate us from the new and cool 27. You see, it’s still OK to look forward to the next self, there are no drops of perspiration as I extend my hand to meet my new older persona. We need to part, and I’m ready for it.

I’m sure going to miss you though, fool. Remember that time you decided to get a new piercing on the wrong side of your face? You kept walking around trying to convince yourself that it looked like the kind of thing you would do — the kind of thing you had expected even! Until your sister pointed out that there’s too much metal on the left side of you face, so you took the earring out just like that.

You were always a restless one though. You considered staying too long in one place the way to rot your brain and curiosity. It’s no wonder that you moved locations 3 times without blinking about it. And you loved the packing, the unpacking — the excitement of possibility. You moved fluidly between borders, you travelled mentally and literally and there was never a dull minute with you holding my hand. Remember Paris? Remember Berlin? I would have never gone ahead if it weren’t for your impulsiveness, your endless drilling. Let’s face it – you would never stop until you got your way. It worked to my advantage. Most times.

It’s normal, I guess, to have ups and downs, but your ups and downs were intense roller coaster rides. You went from deliriously happy to grimly morose in the flash of a second. I had to choose my words carefully when I talked about life, about love, about what it means to be free. This issue really kept you sleepless. You wanted to choose wisely, surely, independently. You wanted to be free but would talk endlessly about your fear that love cripples your freedom. And it pained you to place these two ideals as polar opposites, to force yourself to choose between such lofty ideals. You let love win every time, and I’ve come to the conclusion that it was a defeat you secretly welcomed gladly. You were a true contradiction, as such.

And then my dear old 26-year-old self, you had a bright idea. You needed some direction, even though you didn’t even know it then. You were a little lost but you had convinced yourself you were right on track, as always. It came in the form of a small box with an air balloon on it. Inside there was a bag of beads, and you were confused. Until you started to toy with the idea of using them. And overnight, awoke a new streak of creativity that lay dormant just below your fingertips. And then, you gave the act of creating, a name, and attached a blog to it. For that I thank you old self. Because of you I am here now and I am writing to tell the rest of the world what happens next.

I will miss you,

plain bananas x

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One bullet at a time

Musings

I knew that never in my wildest dreams would I have managed to complete this ├╝ber-ambitious list, yet some force of motivation (that is truly beyond me) steered me forward so that now:

– Clean my apartment before I start moving out Ha! Did this last night, after a 5-hour power nap. Planned? No. Did it work? Yes!!

– Complete a video project. My mom hasn’t had a chance to visit me in my hole-of-an-apartment so I’m going to make a video giving her the entire one-minute tour (and that’s stretching it, to be honest). Will make it into something fun and artsy, no doubt. Filmed a short clip that lasted 7 minutes, in a first-person angle — so there was me pretending my mom had actually come to visit me and I was giving her the tour. We waited for a cab to drive by and everything, and had suitcase in hand etc. I couldn’t stop laughing because I actually got excited about this faux-visit and could see myself acting like a complete fool. Such fun!

– Start packing! It took a mere 3 hours. Whoa!

– Move a few of my basic things over to the new place. A few things? Pff! We moved the whole lot today, and so now, the boxes have spread like some disease across all rooms of the new place, waiting to find where they belong. I managed to unpack a few things now, and I always forget how different things look in different spaces. It’s going to take a while to make it homely, but it’s going to happen.

– Upload the hundred something photos that have been idly waiting on that darn camera chip. I still need to sort through them, but first step done.

– Add some new photos here and on flickr. One of these days…

– Open up my shop – or at least the main page with the banner or something. Coming soon!

– At least set up my beading workspace. I need to get back on the beading treadmill a.s.a.p. The first thing I put up and organized. Still haven’t taken a picture, but even if I did now it would look too tidy and unnatural. I like to work in a creative chaos.

[Here come my regulars:]

– Read on, dammit. Erm…when?

– Gym it up (definitely not happening today, haha!) Where did I pack my gym clothes again?


Tomorrow morning I will deal with everything else. Among other things, I’m turning +1 year. Yes, officially, I’m past that mid-twenty marker and the day is completely unplanned, and I’m ready for whatever surprises it may bring.
But first, I need to get my life out of these boxes and out there where it belongs.